Tuesday, December 11, 2012

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Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Listening

What a magical word that is. Now, while I’m typing this article my heart aches. I don’t really know why. Is it because of all the deep deception that surrounds me or the fact that I almost believed that they are really my friends and I feel betrayed right now. I don’t know what to think anymore.

Everything was in order. Today will only be a four hour class not more not less but then the old fat professor for our third and second to the last subject was the start of hell for me. Our professor at that subject distributed the first ever quiz in that subject. Guess what score I got. I got 5 mistakes. I was really disappointed. Normally, I wouldn’t be but last Monday, I found out that almost all of the new faces of our new section already know my name. Why? The loquacious old classmates of mine especially the old and former ruler of our old hell stronghold , bickered about my being the top scorer and even me soaring high up above his score. I know you know him or well, maybe its a her. I don’t know. When I heard him talk, my insides were churning with anger. I want to boil him to the point that they will never realize its actually a meat of a human they’re eating.

Back to the story, last Monday my new friend of mine told me that they already knew that I was the top scorer for my former section. She also told me the other top scorer for the other sections and well I was still a top notcher though I don’t know how long.

After I got the paper of my quiz, I began to blame myself why did I not study that hard. I need to prove myself to the other top notchers in their own sections that I deserve the grade that my former professors told me. I need to do that in order to soothe myself and not to let the pressure eat me away. After scanning the quiz, I already know the Mr. Pressure is already rejoicing because he has a new food to eat, which is me.

Unfortunately, things really didn’t go my way. After that subject here comes Ms. I’m-so-good-you-need-to-listen-to-me-though-I’m-below-your-shoulders, she’s our last and strict professor. Well, the things we talk about are all of Christianity. I know…I know… it’s boring but at that time every word she said struck my heart to the center as if her sharp eyes already saw the bulls-eye mark at the center of my heart. Every letter and every word struck my heart.

What did she talk about?? I know you’re wondering but please be quiet about this okay??

She talked about the real essence of listening. That is the reason why I titled this article listening. She told us but I think her eye at the back of the head is intently staring at me. She told us that listening is different from perceiving only sounds to the ears. Listening does not only require the ears but also requires the eyes and the heart.

The very example she gave us was the one who fried my heart in the flame. Her example was a conversation between two friends. The other one is texting while listening while the other one was crying her heart out to the texting one in order to seek advice of comfort. That already happened to me. My dorm mate and friend was texting while I was telling her the different events that happened that day. She was texting while I was wasting my saliva in order to tell her what my heart feels. My professor told us that that kind of friend is not really a friend to begin with because their priority is the one they are texting while you are on the climax of letting your heart cry out. I told her before I began to treat her as a friend that I always put a wall between the persons I meet so that I will never be attached to that person if ever I need to part with him or her. I broke that principle of mine when I began to trust her completely. I swear I was out of my mind when I did that. While listening to my professor’s lecture I was mentally smacking my head. I was not supposed to treat her as a close friend. I know that my goal is to somehow separate from them so the time will come that I need to leave them. In the end, I was still hurt. The wall was for that not to happen. It shields me always from the pains that friendship always causes. I was a fool to think that I will never be hurt again. They are not my possession so I need to never let myself feel that they’re my possession.

Another thing, my professor told us was you cannot say that you love someone if you only see the words of his lips. That strike was not intended for me but for my dorm mate and friend. They situation she’s in is complicated for her but a piece of cake for me. She met a textpal, okay, the counterpart of penpal only at texting and not mails. After many days and even months of texting they never met and only saw each other at pictures, the guy told my friend that he already love her. That guy was really out of his mind for me but for my friend he was her knight at shining armor who will rescue her from my clutches. Am I the bad guy here?? I was only trying to rescue my friend but no…they brandished me as a criminal already who tried to murder their love. Ha! Think about it they never met each other face to face and eye to eye but only communicated with words in a text. Who knows maybe those words is hollow and do not have any truth in it. In the earlier months, while they are texting the guy already lied to her about his course at the school he’s entering. After a week my friend already forgave him but me no! Who knows, he may repeat that again and again. Maybe even everything he told my friend was all lies. I don’t know and I don’t want to know. Normally, the things that I learned that I think will help their problems, I always tell it to my friend but now I won’t. It’s not my problem anymore. It’s them. I don’t wanna be the villain in their lovestory. I quit, sorry friend. You’ve already fired me the moment you chose to be with him rather than be with me.

I will not hang on to something that I know someday will just throw me away. I’m sorry but you’ve just lost a friend and unfortunately you’ve earned an acquaintance. Acquaintance is lower than a friend though I will act as though I’m your friend but I won’t give you any advices because you don’t follow them. You just waste them, my effort in vain. You’re problem is not my problem anymore. If the consequence of your problem repeats again I’m not there to be beside you. I already tried to help you but you swat your hand away from me, maybe not literally but for me I take symbolisms seriously so it’s just the same for me.

Sorry professors you just made my day a hellhole. You made me lose a friend and be merciless when it comes to that. I may feel pain and let that accumulate inside me without proper outlet but I know someday that pain will help me stand up into who I want to be. For those who don’t yet see my brilliance. I will shine like the sun and envelop every one of you under my shine. You gave me a challenge and I accept that. I will shun away all of my hesitations and fear. I will be someone you will never anticipate me to be. Easier than typed, eh?? Yeah, you’re right but it’s not hard to try isn’t it.

Monday, August 31, 2009

Everything has a beginning...

This is the start of something new...
It feels so right to be here with you...ohh...ohh...

Wahahaha...

This is the start of my blogging life so bear with what they mind might tell and insert inside your own mind.

BEWARE...i tell you...BEWARE...

so please wait my first article and support me in my journey...

tnx.